Sometimes in life, you realized, and decided, to let a good love pass you by. For what ever reason.. Be it because you’re not ready to accept it. Not ready to have an intense relationship. Or you have someone else you’re in love with at the same time and you chose to keep what you’re having. What ever legit or stupid reason, be it
The point is, you let a love go.
It happens to me almost all the time. Sometimes it burdens me. Sometimes it makes me sad. But I’m an adult who understands who I am and what I want in life–well, most of the time. 🙂 So, yeah, I made some tough decisions too in order to “clear up” my path.
And then I chose to ignore them. I had to! So that both, I and they, would move on. And every single time I rejected a love proposal, I wish them good luck and wish them the bless of all the love in the world. But I really can not (and do not want to) reply their feelings, for it may hurt us both, even maybe more people, later on.
Beside, my heart is not really mine anyway. It’s God’s. Allah’s. I do believe that Allah always involves, even in this matter. The matter of hearts and loves and true loves. And as a faithful believer, I always let Allah drives me anywhere He wanted, for He has the right to do so. Even with my heart.
And, it does not mean that I’m too lazy or irresponsible to decide something about my life. In contrary, doing so–letting Allah drive me–means that I seek for Allah’s ridha (a blessing for doing something He pleased). Especially because not all the time we could agreed with what Allah wants. It takes a lot of courage and strength to accept what Allah wants us to be. And no matter what, Allah’s will is the absolute last decision that will happen.
Islam teaches that Allah is The True Ruler of one’s heart. Allah is The One who is powerful enough to make the changes of the heart. And because of that, seek His ridha. It’s that simpe, IF you believe.
Anyways, back to the people and their offer of love that I rejected (and had to), I wish you best of luck and love in this world and the afterlife. And to those who are thinking of proposing me love, even marriage, I need to remind you that I am not a mere single. I am a single parent of three. Yep, parent, not just a mother, since I am the main provider of my kids. The kids’ grandparents are helping, alhamdulillah, thank you very much.. I’ve been married twice. Means that I failed, BIG TIME, twice.
I’m also a working mom and not receiving any money or any fortune from my ex husbands; since they have none and simply ignore their duty, and our law system about this is not that “forceful”. I know it sucks, but I prefer to go my way rather than making a fuss about it. Just let Allah judge them. I don’t need to.
In short version, I’m a veteran. It means I’m not a cry-baby girl. Not a girl at all. I’m a tough mother, or that’s what I believe, at least.
So, if you offer me love, make sure it’s permanent. I DON’T DO ROOKIES. My aim is to look for a lifetime partner, a husband. Not a boyfriend. No, I don’t need another boy–I already have two: my sons, thank you. It’s no longer my time to play and fooling around anymore.
I’d rather stay single until I died than to be burdened again with a failing marriage. Because, well yeah, no matter how tough I was and am, it’s the trauma. It is something that perfectly printed inside me, and I don’t think it’s gonna go away that easily. These experiences are my private permanent teachers. But, no, I’m not afraid to love again. It’s just that I need to find the TRUE LOVE that was really meant to be, for me. I don’t know who he is. Have I met him or not.
All I know is that true love has no expiration date. And if Allah allows me to ever got married again, I hope this will be my last, on earth until we both died, and beyond, in the afterlife. Forever.