I’m feeling very sleepy, but can’t close my eyes yet. In my head, two scenes keep playing. The scenes of conversations with two different guys, in two different time.. But both are Muslims, and foreigners.

A, 36: Not everyone is looking for love. Like me, I’m not looking. Relationship is too much for me. I have seen people who are deeply in love with each other, two months after marriage, they started to fight and grew apart, then finally break up. I don’t want that. I like friendship more. Friends will never break up. Friendzone is always better. We are very close friends. You are the closest friend, and the only woman in my life. You can always talk to me. If looking forward is too scary for you and looking back is too painful, just look to your side, I will always be there for you. Always. I will never leave. You can always count on me.


C, 28: I started to feel more comfortable with you. I feel like we belong to each other. And I’m planning to visit you, to clarify things much more. I like you more than you think, Nina. And I’m looking for a girl for years. I have never felt this comfortable with anybody else more than I did with you. You are absolutely gorgeous. I love you too damn much. And I will always be open minded with you. You have me here. I’ll never change. And I will never leave. I’m always here for you. You are a perfect girl, dear.


N, 41: What the heck. This phase of life started to feel like a fictional story I used to write. Pfffftt.. Maybe that was not a bad idea to convert all into a novel. What do you think I should title it? The Ballad of “Tante Nina” ? Right, I kinda feel like a pedophile 🙄 for being attracted to two young men. Like, VERY YOUNG! By 6 years and 13 years younger than me. Oh my Lord… Just look at their ages, ya Allaaaah! Allah knows I used to avoid young men, like extremely avoiding them! Am I insane already? Or they the ones who are out of their minds?

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.