Ramadhan Story: Day 28 – Lesson Learned

This evening, I checked on my email, and there was a notification of a comment left by a reader on my old writing: My Tafakkur Throughout The Year. The reader thanked me and said that article is useful for them. Well, it might be just a simple comment of being nice and all, but I appreciated it. So, it’s my pleasure. 🙂

It was my old writing. Published in November 2013, one month and six days before I finally “brave enough” to answer my (then) husband’s threat to divorce me, for the 118th times in our 6,5 years of marriage.

That writing was made during my time of contemplation. It’s kind of an eye-opening moment. I finally accepted that our marriage, at that time, was no longer a blessed one. Because if it was, there would be no pain when walking, and living on it. The fact, it was painful to even “breathing” it for a day. The marriage that suppose to be a heaven on earth had turned into a living hell–and it was NOT even an exaggeration!

Facing constant accusations and treatment (verbally and physically) as if I were a criminal for something I didn’t even do, is hellish. I was not happy for the last 2-3 years of my marriage. And because I’m a person who can not swallow the bitter pills that might kill me, sooner or later, I needed to decide to do something to make a better off future. Beside, I have given him chances to correct himself, once too many times already. But, he didn’t use it, so… you can guess the rest of the story. I have made up my mind.

So, when he threatened to divorce me via blackberry messenger–yeah, I know, he was low like that–I answered: “ACCEPTED. Now please, leave my house immediately, because that house belongs to my father and you are no longer welcome to live in it.”

He treated me like a trash, so I treated him back like a garbage. He then started to slander me more, calling me “a whore with hijab”, and accused me “covering my head but selling my vagina” in his social medias. How cute is a slander done by a husband to the woman who gave birth to his child and took care of him and his everything when he has nothing at all to give? Hehehehe…

When facing it all, I was only smiling. I didn’t reply. I didn’t even react. I know he expected me to answer, but I didn’t do it. For what. Because what ever I did will only encourage him to behave worse and worse. And I need to make it clear to him that what ever he did to get my name dirty is no longer has effect on me. Why? Because to me, then, he is invisible.

Sometimes, the only way to calm the water is to freeze it.

When someone back stab or slander you, the best thing you can do is not to react. Ignore them as if they are invisible. Because, people who like you will not believe that even for a sec, and people who hates you will not give a damn with your explanation to clear out your name. Just leave it be. Eventually, time will reveal the truth.

Painful? Of course. That’s why Allah give GRAND rewards for people who stay patient (sabr) when facing a slander. So the solution is: stay patient. Beside, you can not fight fire with fire. You need to be the soda. Well, soda is proven that it can put off fire. And, can quench your thirst at the same time. Hahaha.. 🙂

Alright, that’s all for now. I was only writing this as a follow up the flash back from that earlier post of mine. I and my ex had been divorced for almost 5 years now. All is forgiven. Everything has been cooled down, and finally calmed down after third year. And now we are friends again, without any chance to return to our marriage though.

Wait, after all he did to Nina, has he even a pride to ask to get back together (rujuk) again? Of course, he tried it, like 9 to 10 times the last 4 years. At the first try, and I rejected, he stormed out. Angry because of the rejection. He spoke badly even more about me. But I kept silent. He used our youngest son as a “weapon” and accused me a cruel mother for letting him grow without both parents’ presence. I kept silent. Still. The thing is, my ex NEEDS to grow up himself. Because a grown up man will not use any excuses to win a woman’s heart. And he knows when to stop when the woman he “targeted” rejected him, over and over again. And for a strong reason that was.

He thought I didn’t forgive him, and I said he’s wrong about that. But, really, just because all is forgiven doesn’t mean that I can trust him with my heart, and even, my life again. Every single act has its own consequences, and lost of trust and love are two of the consequences. Lesson learned, that’s all I can say.

I don’t know if this “follow up” writing can help anyone who reads it, but I’m writing it anyway. I never write for fame. I just write what I want. 🙂 But hopefully, it’s useful somehow.

Have a lovely Ramadhan, folks.

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