to forgive yourself is hard

This morning, as my normal morning, I checked my email on the phone only to see if there’s a new video posting from Markiplier. Well, I watch him almost every single day. He’s my favorite youtuber, gotta admit that. Not because he’s gorgeous–he IS, really–but because he’s very smart, funny and goofy at the same time. He has such a unique voice; you could just recognize it immediately that it’s Mark’s voice. And the way he screams, well… uhh.. well, he’s a professional screamer, exactly like he said on his twitter account. And he likes to do charity. And he made great game reviews. And he’s young. Yummm.. #Ehhh 😀 Overall, he’s so human. And I like that.

Anyways, his latest post, I watched it. And it easily becomes one of the best games he ever reviewed. It called “Keep in Mind”. The game designed and written by Cherylynn Lima. Great game, I must say. Check it out if you want to:


The moral of the game is to “Stop living in grief. Release your mind from guilty feelings. You need to forgive yourself”.

At that point, my eyes suddenly blurred. There’s water tried to rush down and escaped my eyes. Gotta hold my emotion as I was watching the vid on the bus–I was on my way to the office.

Forgiving self. To me personally, it is one of the hardest things to do in life. Honestly, forgiving others is easy, but to forgive myself is almost an impossible task. 

I found it so hard to forgive myself. I’ve done terrible things in life. Some, I think, unforgivable. I even have talked to a professional (psychologist) about this, and he already told me to let go. He said that if I really, honestly repent my faults, Allah would forgive.

Oh, of course, I know how amazing Allah is. I’ve faith, Allah WILL forgive if we asked Him to, no matter how terrible our sins are. But the thing is, I can’t even forgive myself. Sure, I told my psychologist that I would try to forgive myself, but the reality, it is much harder to do. I don’t know why. Perhaps I’m just dumb. Or perhaps I still need some more people to remind me so.

And so, when Mark played it, along with the narration of the game being spoke, about “You need to forgive yourself. This darkness suffocate us”, somehow allowed me to exhale. I needed that.

So, thank you, Markimoo.


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