Found the link from a friend. Read it, and oh my dear Lord, it’s pretty much my life in a nutshell. I’ve been through that exact path. Glad I got out of it, alive. But now, I think, he had somehow turned me into a sociopath like he was.
Learning this, I have to start to control myself and NOT becoming one. I think this is what my boyfriend tried to tell me for the past one year, that I’m “unwell”. Oh, God, I really owe him (my bf) everything. He saved my soul, and my future-life, literally many, many times.
You may be wondering if he’s a sociopath and what makes up one.
Here is a list of 20 signs to help….
1. You are walking on eggshells… you feel on edge around him and yet strangely enough you want to be his one and only. Yes, it’s sick. This is not normal.
2. He originally placed you on a pedestal and was in awe of you. Now, later, it’s like you are in this weird dance where he waffles between placing you on the pedestal and treating you like you are disposable. It creates confusion instead of peace.
3. He refers to you as his trophy wife and bases your value on how good you make him look. He expects affirmation he’s done well in life at his 20 year high school reunion based on your looks and you on his arm. When no one validates him, this is when you unknowingly enter the discarding stage by him.
4. In the beginning he wanted to seal the deal quickly and marry you speedy quick. He doesn’t want a long engagement, he gives ultimatums, sets the wedding date and if you waver…. he accuses you of being not committed.
5. You catch him in a lie. And another lie. And another. It’s pathological for him and he won’t stop. He accuses you of being a liar or a cheater. That’s called projection; him twisting what he’s doing onto you.
6. Nothing phases him. He drives like a maniac to intimidate you. Or you’re in the car with him and nearly get hit by another car. Anyone else would flinch, grip their hand rest, something. Not him. He’s cool as a cucumber and never feels fear, anxiety or worry. No, that’s not normal.
7. Appears needy but is actually controlling. Texts you incessantly. Initially you may see it as flattery, as lovely attention, but eventually down the road you will feel suffocated because he’s in fact controlling.
8. Sex addict. He craves stimulation and high risk. He may use you for his main source of supply but needs supply from others too. Likely a cheater. He will put you at risk for STD’S. Get tested.
9. Views women as inferior. His friend may likely be a narcissist, maybe even a sociopath…. has had sex with hundreds of women then discards them. He texts him nude photos of the women he’s slept with and when you discover it and confront him… he makes excuses. You are disgusted by him and for good reason.
10. Mocks you, stone-walls (gives you the silent treatment). You feel voiceless and exasperated. In a normal relationship you feel heard.
11. He is loved by those around him who know him superficially like his co-workers and employees. They believe you are the issue after you discover what he is because he has skillfully and cunningly painted himself to be this great, respectable, all around decent human being. He gives them shallow praise and they eat it up while he uses them in some way gaining supply.
12. He ignores you. When you ask him “Why are you treating me this way?’ you will be met by a blank stare. He walks away. Your feelings chronically feel unimportant.
13. He demands respect from you. He desires you to adore him and follow him. And yet as time goes on you are a big inconvenience to him. He voices complaint he has to provide for you “Why can’t you go get a job?” and “You expect me to do everything” when in reality you’ve been standing on your head like a three ring circus act doing everything except wiping his butt. You feel like a hundred years old and don’t recognize yourself in the mirror.
14. He expects that you better be perfect. You better work like a dog but look like a Victoria’s Secret model doing it. His expectations are sky high and you can never live up to them. Don’t even try, it will kill you trying.
15. The relationship doesn’t feel secure. In normal secure loving relationships there isn’t worry that one little spat is going to be the end of a couple… but with him, yes. You find yourself always being the one to give in, to compromise, to apologize… because there is this unspoken feeling that if you don’t he will toss you aside. Don’t accept this as a way to live.
16. Gas-lights you. Claims you said something you never said or alternatively tells you something in anger “Stop talking to me about God!” and then a few weeks later denies “I never said that”, ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about” ever saying it. In the beginning it will be he said/she said type scenarios. Later, it will be items (books, etc) moved in the house and he claiming you did it when you didn’t. Yes, you begin to question yourself and wonder if you’re going crazy. That’s his plan. Get yourself a plan… walk away from him and his bag of crazy.
17. Comments on your looks and other women’s. Constantly critiques how you could improve your hair, your outfit, etc. Who cares what he thinks? Why put value in it?
18. His idols are status, image and money. He has to have the big house, keep up with the neighbors and drive the expensive car. Post divorce he buys himself a second vehicle and takes his newest sex supply to New York, the trip he always promised you. He gains new supply from her and materialism. Take your own trip to New York. Why ruin it with a case of crazy?
19. He uses the children as pawns when and after you divorce. He uses them to punish you, to turn one or all of them against you. Because who exactly do you think you are to leave him after discovering he cheated? He does the discarding, no one else.
20. You don’t recognize him as the same person you first met. Because that person never really existed. That was a facade, a trick, a phony. He could only wear the mask for so long before it crumbled off. Now you know what he is. Run. And don’t look back.
~ Jennifer Gafford (2013)