I really couldn’t…

Dear KawaNina (Nina’sComrades),

You might aware and have read, from this blog, that my mom just passed away this year. On August 5th, 2014 to be exact. Four months, four days ago. As a writer–a journalist, even–I can usually write “light-heartedly” about this, obituary. But when it comes to your own mother, a woman who brought you into this very world, the one that nurtured and loved you all she could, you just can’t…

still

I’ve tried to write about how my mom died. And every single time, they ended up as a draft.

my mom, Ida Sjahrini Husein (b. Oct 17, 1955; d. Aug 5, 2014)
my mom, Ida Sjahrini Husein (b. Oct 17, 1955; d. Aug 5, 2014)

The pain of a great loss is still there. The wound still open.

Even though Mom always prepare us for the worst, as she often say that nobody lives forever. That, “I could die anytime God wants. And when I’m gone, you girls must be strong.”

I know, Mom, I know.. I should write about how you died of that heart attack, so that anyone with the same symptoms may anticipate and even, perhaps, avoid its fatality. But my fingers felt numb and my mind froze. I just couldn’t, Mom. I can’t. Not now, maybe.

Anyways, how are you up there, Mom?

We miss you so much.

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