you know, but you don’t

You always think you know, but I bet, you don’t.

You understand me, yes, but it’s because I am such an open book for you. I’m predictable, because I am always that honest one. I can’t even hide my expressions when I am happy, angry, or sad. I am transparent.

Yes, you knew that every time you fly to my homeland, I will track your flight with flight-radar apps on my phone. Because I am indeed like that.

But I bet you don’t know, I only do such thing to you. Never have I ever, in my entire life, do the same thing to others. Not even to my parents or other family members. 😅 (Sorry, folks..)

You knew I would walk the extra miles to assist you. When ever you need something, I will help you out directly. It’s true that I always keep people’s trust. But I bet you don’t know, I always [unconsciously] put you as the top priority–when you need it today, you got it yesterday. You don’t know, that is something I don’t do to others.

If other people need my help, I will help on my term, not theirs. But when you need my help, I always do it on your term. Big difference. And I bet you don’t know that.

I bet you don’t know that I set two weather widgets on my phone’s home screen. One, my town’s weather forecast. Second, your town’s.

And I regularly look upon my phone screen just to peep on your town’s weather statement: “Is it raining? Is it hot? What’s the temperature? Are you cold? Put on your jacket. What’s the time there? Ah, you must be still sleeping now..” are the constant dialogue I have in mind. It makes me feel you, and got me somewhat stay close to you.

And when you visited another country–that you shared the information with me–I will create another weather widget for the town you were in that day. And removed the widget again once you return to your homeland.

I bet you don’t know that.

You may say that I am obsessed with you, but I honestly think it’s not true. I am not. I’m just….. in love. And I care about your well-being.

I made no shrine of you. I don’t think about you all the time. I have life too. I have other priorities too. My life does not evolve around you. I have better things to do too. It’s just my choice to put you first, because you are part of my life, for me.

I bet, you don’t even realize that.

And most of all, I never demanded you to do the same for me. I never pushed you to put me as your priority. I know my place and I never got in your way. I am even okay when you said you never loved me the way I want you to be. It’s okay.

Sure, I am sad that I have this one-sided love; that I will never have the chance to win your heart; that you will never ever loved me like a man to a woman; but, hey, what can I say? My heart wants what it wants.

If that’s wrong; if that’s weird, then blame The One who created my heart and put this stubborn feelings in me. He is the one responsible who wrote my destiny; my curse, for falling in love with my best friend.

I have to live with this every day; every hour; every second. It hurts to fall in love like this. I cry every now and then, even when I wasn’t thinking about you. I’m in agony. I’m in sorrow. I’m empty. But what can I say, this is the life that’s written for me. So, I accept. I swallow the bitterness.

I bet you don’t know that.

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