Hari ke-102 kepergian Mama Ida Husein. Dan, air mata saya belum mampu terbendung. I miss my mom so much. Malam ini, izinkan Nien melepas rindu lewat tulisan ya, Mam..

Selama 37 tahun hidup saya, Mama adalah satu-satunya “rumah” untuk saya pulang dan mengadu. Saya bukan anak terbaik Mama. Saya tipe pemberontak dan Mama tak jarang marah pada kelakuan saya. Namun semarah-marahnya Mama, sekecewa-kecewanya Mama, dia selalu memeluk ketika tau saya bersedih.

Jika saya salah langkah karena tak menuruti nasihat mama, tak sekalipun Mama pernah berkata, “Tuh kan, apa Mama bilang?” Tak pernah! Mama hanya diam, tangannya membelai kepala saya dan ia mendengarkan dengan penuh perhatian semua celoteh saya tentang penyesalan. Lalu ketika saya menangis, Mama memeluk saya erat-erat. Saat itu seakan lengan Mama yang mungil mampu melingkar, padahal badan saya jauh lebih besar dari Mama. Tapi mama mampu memeluk seperti saya ini masih bayi.

Mama adalah orang yang paling kuat berbicara di telepon. Tak pernah mama kehabisan bahan obrolan. Suaranya yang alto itu selalu lantang dan ceria. Tawanya yang tak pernah jaim itu selalu membuat dirinya bersinar. Ya, Mama adalah matahari dan kami adalah planet-planet di galaksinya. Ketika Allah mengambil matahari untuk kembali ke sisi-Nya, jagad kami menjadi gelap. Hilang sudah cahaya kami. Hilang sudah energi yang membawa kehangatan itu. Hanya tersisa radiasi magnetik, partikel-partikel kenangan, yang masih membias di kehampaan.

Kami merelakan mama dipinang pemilik sejatinya, tapi kesedihan itu masih begitu nyata. Semoga kesedihan kami tidak mengurangi kemuliaan mama di alam sana.

Maafkan Nien, Mam.. Belum mampu membahagiakan Mama. Nien belum sempat mewujudkan impian-impian kita. Nien kangen Mama. Nien kangen doa-doa Mama. Nien kangen celoteh Mama. Nien kangen keceriaan Mama. I love you, Mom.

======================English Ver.========================

Day 102 of my Mom’s Passing

Day-102 the passing of my mother, Ida Husein. And, the tears still escape from the dam of my eyes. I miss my mom so much. Tonigh, please allow me to let my feeling of missing you through this writing, okay Mom..

For 37 years of my life, Mom is the only “home” for me to cry and turn to. I’m not my mom’s best daughter. I’m a rebel and Mom often mad at my bad behavior. But, no matter how angry my mom was, no matter how disappointed she was, she’s always there to hold me when I felt down.

And when I made a wrong choice on my life, after fought against my mom’s will, she never–not even once–said, “See? What did I tell you?” Never! She kept her mouth close and put her hand on my head and listened to whatever gibberish I was saying, and she listened patiently about my sadness and regrets. Then, when I finally broke down and cry, she hold me close. Her small hands wrapped me warmly, even though my figure is a lot bigger than her. Still, she able to hold me like I’m a baby. Her baby.

My mom was the most talkative person on earth 😀 especially on the phone. She never runs out of topics. Her alto and loud voice made our day. Her “freestyle” laughters made her shine. Yes, our mom was our sun and we are the small planets in her galaxy. When Allah took our sun back to His side, our universe turned dark. There goes our shine. There goes the energy that brought us warmth. The only thing left was the magnetic radiation, the particles of memory, which still floats throughout emptiness.

We do let our Mom returns to her Righteous Owner, but the sadness is still so overwhelming. Hopefully our sadness will not reduce her glory in the afterlife.

Forgive me, Mom.. for haven’t had the chance to make you happy. I still unable to realize our dreams. I miss you, Mom. I miss your prays. I miss your talks. I miss your cheerfulness. I love you, Mom.