Almost nobody knows that I’m suffering a severe depression. Not my friends, not my kids, not even my parents. The only few people knew are only those who has the knowledge about the science (psychology) and knowledge about me.
Indeed depression is silent. It comes once awhile, only when I reached my breaking point. Most of the time, I can always “fool” people around me with my wide smile and loud laughters. In other time, I can cry myself to sleep, hating myself, cursing my “amazing luck” in life, wishes if only I were never born, and every day I was thinking, “Oh. I’m still alive..” and you may not believe how many times I was thinking of killing myself. If I didn’t remember my family and religion values, I might as well did it already.
Instead, I never let my depression consumes me. But, really, even the strongest warrior in the world need a break. Or two.
The reason why I decided to make this entry, and tell you, my friends, about this is to tell others–who silently suffer the same mental breakdown sometimes (like me) that you are not alone. Even a person like me, whose smile the widest and laugh the loudest, is struggling with stress, depression and sometimes panic attack. These, are NOT disease nor weakness nor disability. These are just something we must survived from.
No, I don’t believe depression has any chemical cure. The only cures are pray, love and support. I may be still struggling with this, and God knows I am still trying to live as a “normal” person, but remember, we’ll survive this together, okay? 🙂